When A Singular Gesture Ends
by unbearablelightness
Summary: After 1x24
1. Initial Reaction

When a Singular Gesture Ends

She'd had it, finally. Finally, after years of theorizing and imagining the way that her life would connect after one final romantic gesture, Mindy got her moment. She ran through the damp streets of New York after a romantic falling out and a stop at a 24 hour men's barber shop for a seven dollar haircut, all to profess l-o-v to through an apartment window. This was it. It was the type of moment she'd dreamt about: adrenaline, tears, and uniting with the kind of reunion kiss that always ends a season finale of television. Or a Nora Ephron film. Or Mindy's life.

There was the unexplored territory, though, of what becomes of the world _after_ the final scene. Mindy had always considered this, but naively protected herself from reality by assuming that any challenges the couple faced afterwards would never be so momentous that the love that brought them together for their streets-of-Manhattan reunion could not conquer it. Mindy calculated that such kisses were the epitome of love, and that any events thereafter could always be compared back to that kiss and the problems would eventually resolve, thanks to the entirely romantic foundation of their love.

Unfortunately for Mindy, reality returned in a nauseatingly swift manner. Her life couldn't wrap up in cute clips in the ending credits of her and Casey visiting her parents, kissing happily in the line for customs before boarding the plane to go to Boston for Christmas. Her future wasn't going to be in quick shots of framed photos of her and Casey in Haiti, happily cuddling children in their village, playing hacky-sack and reading scripture. She actually had to _go _to Haiti.

She actually had to go on leave from her practice, leaving Danny and Jeremy as co-owners who had to find a replacement to take on Mindy's patients. Could she truly expect her job to be there for her when she got back, chocolate fountain flowing and a wealth of expectant mothers eagerly postponing childbirth for her return?

Mindy loved her job. She worked incredibly hard to get to where she was, professionally. Her residency was absolute hell and the part of Mindy sitting in a cab, on her way back to the hospital from Casey's, felt insufferable pangs for willingly opening up her American career for dismantling in her absence.

How was she going to do this? How was she going to truly and honestly rent her apartment for a year to some gross stranger, ask Danny to keep the key to her office and practice safe in his desk, and cross the equator? She had to cross the equator, right? Mindy didn't even know, geographically, where Haiti _was. _A quick search on Google Maps alleviated this one concern, but seeing it there, tiny and nestled between Cuba and the Dominican Republic, made it so, so real.

The romantic elation that she'd felt at Casey's soon melted into panicked anxiety and absolute indecision. At thirty-one, Mindy still felt confused. According to her arbitrary calculations, she would have liked to have more of a handle on her life's decisions at this point. She'd always though that there would be some sort of mark of stability and closure in her life. In her hypotheticals, it was always love that would be the mark of stability in her life. Mindy's real life reflected something different: her job was her longed-for stability. Her job was what she had come to rely on, to challenge herself with, and to love.

She'd said it herself to Casey: all she'd wanted in life was to fall in love and be in a great relationship. She'd done it! But here she was, the day after the movie ended, feeling slightly underwhelmed and Googling "what is love". After watching the Haddaway video more than once, Mindy found no solace in Wikihow articles or Yahoo Answers. "Come on, Internet." She scolded, displeased with the seeming lack of virtual women out there who shared her same dissatisfaction in the aftermath of romance that was supposed to leave her permanently happy for the rest of her days. Where was her Nicholas Sparks-level maddening fulfillment from one single person?

Mindy closed her laptop. As luck and years of misplaced romantic cultural conditioning would have it, Mindy had no choice but to slowly come to terms with her true, honest feelings: something wasn't right. She was entirely confused, completely torn between a whole wealth of troubling emotions. She reopened her laptop and looped Natalie Imbruglia.

To be continued


	2. Unravelling

When a Singular Gesture Ends

**[Quick note: I'd like to preface this by saying that I really, really liked the finale. Like, one of the funniest, most well-planned finales for a comedy sitcom I've ever seen. I've watched it multiple times, noticing more and appreciating more each time. Mindy and Danny were absolutely perfect, and this is the best place a television audience could be: **_**thinking **_**about whether or not Casey or Danny is a better fit, thinking about why she will or won't go to Haiti. These are all positives. A Danny and Mindy kiss in this episode would have been crap, no? I absolutely adore them together and they will get together. The construction of Take Me With You was brilliant for all its subtleties, and the season-long closure and character growth it offered. For me, a show that has no character development and that tries to sell romance as one grand kiss is totally lame. The Mindy Project isn't doing that, which is why I have such startling respect for it. I kind of wanted to offer my own insight into how and why I think the finale did such a wonderful job of quietly setting up their beloved star couple for an authentic and creative life in this series. Of course, my opinion is only one in what, a million viewers? I'm totally interested in individual reactions in the reviews. Thanks for reading, dudes!] **

It had been 3:00 am when she'd made her initial visit to Casey's. The following day had been when reality had sunk it, the knowledge of moving to Haiti weighing on her normal daily routine. That evening was when her post-gesture concentrated panic spread. The anxious feeling in her gut expanded beyond self-reflection and onto two important figures: Gwen, first and foremost, and then Danny.

Rishi, Alex, and Morgan came in a third wave of terror, but it was Gwen and Danny that clung to Mindy the most, furthering her confusion. She'd be more than a subway ride away from her best friend, something that she'd never experienced since the conception of their friendship. She'd miss a year out of her goddaughter Riley's life. I mean, Mindy could really rationalize that, since she and Riley's vibe always seemed borderline passive aggressive; Mindy figured the kid was holding some kind of grudge that Mindy was always going to be Gwen's number one. In fact, the way Mindy forecasted it, Riley probably came in about fourth or fifth in Gwen's ranking – probably somewhere after her husband and Alex, but maybe before Maggie. Anyway, Mindy digressed: moving meant her coping with profound absences.

Gwen would be missed. Naturally. Mindy was not surprised to feel that emotion. Her indecision came as a direct result of Mindy's most recent interaction with Danny. There was no more sloughing off hints that they shared chemistry. No longer could Mindy high-five Danny out of her office, mentally manipulating her way out of wondering whether or not his kindness was because he was fond of her. Now, the day after she'd first gone to Casey and then had her glasses cleaned, all Mindy could even _picture _when she thought of Danny were the tiniest, most stoic tears pool in his eyes. Barely noticeable, Mindy felt sick thinking about it.

She had no traction on the situation. She had nothing that she felt confident pointing to and saying "That. _That _is what I want." Mindy wanted to luxuriate in her finally fulfilling her romantic destiny but she found little comfort. Reason hammered at her, constantly prodding her with her romantic education that _it shouldn't be this way. _Countless clichés clouded her head. With each tablespoon of peanut butter Mindy put into her mouth, she heard "When it's right, it's right" and "When you know, you know."

What kind of garbage advice was that? Just _repeating _a phrase, like that is somehow going to justify that the phrase itself holds no meaning. When you know you know? Well Mindy didn't know. She had no clue whether or not she wanted to inevitably marry Casey. She had no clue whether or not she'd truly be happy moving to Haiti for a year, her relationship with Casey aside. Mindy had no idea how or what she felt about Danny. Mindy didn't know if she could stay with Casey if she knew that Danny had feelings for her.

So, no, twentieth-century love clichés: _you don't always know if it is right_.

What discouraged Mindy further, beyond her frustration with the syntax of the useless advice, was the realization that was pressing upon her more and more, the longer she stayed in her apartment and avoided reality: that there really was very little romance or excitement in not having a fucking clue.

Mindy hated to admit that, because the heroine's rock bottom was supposed to come _before _her grand romantic gesture. Actually, according to the formula, the singular romantic gesture generally was used as a means to solve the conflict. So what the hell, man?

She'd sighed her way through the day, eating various breakfast condiments, keeping up with her and Casey's Snapchat conversation. She wanted to avoid tipping-off her husband-to-be that, oops, mere hours after she'd cut off her hair to symbolize her dedication both Haiti as "the cause" and their relationship as "the cause", her doubts were causing her to unravel.

Just as Mindy was snapping a picture of her Netflix que to show Casey that she was consumed in a typical Sunday afternoon, nothing more, her phone rang with a call from Danny.

To be continued


	3. Non-avoidance

When a Singular Gesture Ends

**[**_**quisinart4**_**, you're totally the coolest. Thank you so much!]**

Danny rarely texted. When it did, it was the kind of text that a cast member on _Glee_ or like, _Modern Family _would complain that their dad sent: poorly punctuated, run-on sentences, forgetting to reply to questions. Danny felt that looking at a text sufficed as responding to it. Mindy hated that. The two typically called one another on the phone, figuring that this would alleviate the continual arguments about text etiquette.

Still, despite having had wading through Saturday night and Sunday rolling around in her own thoughts and analyses, Mindy was surprised to see Danny calling. She actually hadn't given much thought about how their future interactions would go. She hadn't really gotten there yet. Normally a woman of fairly fast-paced decision making and an urge to keep her life interesting, Mindy had been avoiding confrontation with Danny.

That was kind of their thing, though, she and Danny. Avoidance. As much as Mindy had invested in their friendship, there was a certain degree of secretiveness that she knew they both maintained. Mindy's for instance was this: refusing to discuss their plane ride back from the conference in Santa Fe. Christina's return was poorly timed to distract from the potential discussion Mindy could have with Danny, so leaving the hand-holding undiscussed only seemed appropriate.

Weeks later, when they were gearing up for the triathalon, Mindy had felt a certain degree of apprehension in her relationship with Casey. Her interest in Danny was markedly increased, both in part from Josh's departing words with her and Danny's sweaty hand snapping her own hand back into his. Perhaps unnecessarily, Mindy felt closer to Danny. Standing out in the sea of ways they'd had one another's backs in the past few months was their detour to Staten Island, his accompanying Mindy to Casey's service, her helping him cope with an accidental commitment to inseminate a strange egg. The curious way he told her after the triathalon that he was always okay really stuck with Mindy, but just like that, things continued to move on and Danny and Christina were back together and Mindy was pushing her boyfriend off his knees to avoid his proposal.

It seemed as though avoidance struck again.

Mindy wasn't sure how these thoughts all passed through her mind in the four rings on her phone before she answered. Part of her wanted to let it go to voicemail, but that was avoidance, wasn't it? There seemed no real reason to avoid Danny. If anything, Mindy figured, the next time she saw Danny would be no different than any other interaction of theirs. His tucking the arms of her glasses behind her ears and his long gaze wafting from her eyes to her lips would be a thing of that past; tucked away, forgotten about, a distant memory for the both of them in their new shiny marriages to Casey and Christina.

So she answered.

"Hey Danny." Caller I.D. allowed her to forego feigning the mystery of who was calling.

The non-logical side of Mindy was expecting Danny's voice to be different. _Somehow. _She wasn't sure what she was hoping to hear, exactly? A subliminal whispering offering her direction? Nothing. She listened to Danny's completely ordinary "Hey Mindy, how's it going?"

Uhh how was it going? Mindy deliberated her answer. Well, she was but one rotation of the earth past symbolically committing a year in a tent with her pastor boyfriend. And, beyond that, she was leaving the career that she and her family had dropped thousands to educate her for. Plus, her palms were sweaty wondering the nature of Danny's call.

Mindy chose a bright "Good!" to encapsulate the whirlwind of emotions she was feeling.

Danny was characteristically quick to the point on the telephone. "Listen, could you meet me and Jeremy sometime today?" Mindy's stomach dropped. Her lack of answer prompted him to keep going. "Two o'clock?"

To avoid letting on that she was a boiling mix of rage, regret, adventure, and sadness, Mindy nodded her head and spoke: "Two o'clock. Text me the address." She was about to end the call, when she heard Danny's voice calling out of the speaker.

She only caught the tail end of what he was saying. "…text you the address when we're speaking on the phone? Mindy? Mindy?"

"Yeah, Danny, I don't know, okay? That way I don't have to remember it."

"You can't remember an address? Mindy, you're a doctor."

"Enough, okay? I hate how that is a catch-all for everything. 'Oh, Mindy, you can't watch _TMZ_, you're a doctor.' 'Mm, maybe shouldn't have that Danish for breakfast, you're a doctor.' Like, yeah, I get it, guys. I was _there _for medical school."

"Okay, so as long as you're taking this from the conversation: Il Bambino at two."

"Ugh, Italian. Come on, Danny."

"Just… two o'clock, got it?"

.

Mindy decided to pass the time until two o'clock with her packing. She realized that she had no idea what the timeline of her even leaving to Haiti was. All she knew was that it as was a futuristic event; for all she knew, she could be jumping on the plane in a week.

Mindy dragged down her largest suitcase, rejoicing in finding her favorite pair of turquoise silk panties stuffed in one of the pockets. She folded her only pair of army-green cargo pants and placed them into the suitcase. Immediately, Mindy was doubting them. She got them at Zara. Did that count as a suitable supplier of outdoor wear? She had initially bought them to emulate Jennifer Aniston's timeless, carefree weekend look. She figured that these pants paired with a white tank top was the ultimate in sexy-cool au naturelle.

Reaching for her cell phone, Mindy texted Casey: "Do Haitian missionaries wear cargo pants? Also, when do we leave?"

.

She arrived at Il Bambino right at two o'clock. Mindy assumed that Danny and Jeremy were already inside. Both were well-known for their punctuality.

Combing her pixie cut into her preferred shape, Mindy exited the cab and entered the restaurant. She searched around, eventually locating Danny sitting alone at a table in the courtyard, pulling on the paper wrapping of his beer.

Nerves continued to bubble in her stomach, but, as she'd done in the cab on the way here, Mindy coached herself into full acknowledgment that avoidance of the other night would be the nature of this interaction. Mindy wholeheartedly believed there would be a quick lunch of paninis, chit-chat about whether or not the building code would approve Danny bulldozing the wall between their offices, and maybe light patronizing about Mindy's uncertainty about what kind of bugs were going to be in Haiti.

She joined Danny at the table, ordering an old fashioned for herself.

"I've been watching a lot of _Mad Men _lately." Mindy qualified her order immediately to Danny's amused, suspicious eye. "So, where's Jeremy?" Mindy noticed the vacant chair next to Danny. She was really counting on Dr. Reed's presence to alleviate her nerves.

"Emergency delivery."

"Damn."

Danny's "Why?" was spoken in his characteristic offended tone. He jutted his neck back, frowning at her single-word response. Mindy was surprised at this. Sure, Danny was a relatively passionate fellow, but his apparent offense at Mindy's wonderings?

Mindy waited two seconds before responding. In that time she came to believe that her hyper-analysis was not constructive and largely her just being too much inside of her own head. "No reason. What's up? Cool restaurant. I love this patio."

"Yeah, it's pretty nice."

Silence.

Mindy's beverage arrived.

The waiter hung around momentarily, asking the two of them if they'd like a moment to look through the menus. In unison, Danny and Mindy said: "Yeah, that'd be great." And then, like the snapping of a band, Mindy relaxed. She and Danny laughed at this and both took a sip of their drinks.

Mindy gagged. "Oh god." She looked down at the heavily-iced drink in her hand. "Ugh, the garnishes are very misleading." She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the strong alcoholic taste. "Jeez, could I get a few more cherries in this thing?"

Danny eyed her. Slowly, he said: "I think it's mostly bourbon."

"Yeah, I'm gathering that." Mindy took another sip, wincing.

"Here." Danny reached across the table, offering Mindy his nearly full bottle, the label torn off. Was Danny nervous too? "I'll trade you. I like bourbon."

Mindy grinned. She feigned an easy-going appreciation. At that moment, Danny's small act of selflessness seemed comparable to Casey's yearlong excursion to feed the hungry. "Thanks, man."

.

Lunch progressed far smoother than Mindy expected. She had been right in her prediction of the nature of the meeting: discussing what to do in her absence. What Mindy had not expected was Danny's behaviour. His blatantly open kindness and thoughtfulness came as both a surprise and as a warm reminder that she was a valuable component of Shulman and Associates.

And then, as they were both paying for their sandwiches, Mindy's forecast was altered. She and Danny walked out of the restaurant side by side, both comfortable and feeling resolved in their discussion of Mindy's departure. On the street, Danny turned to Mindy and out of his messenger bag that Mindy had assumed was a briefcase, Danny pulled out a paper-wrapped rectangle.

The look on his face when he handed Mindy the gift was unmistakable: clear, unabashed affection. His eyes were huge, Mindy noticed, as she accepted the package with a lump in her throat.

What happened to their avoidance? Mindy couldn't avoid anything right now. She couldn't walk away or duck out of the situation. She was stuck in front of the restaurant, accepted a present from Danny Castellano. Not one year prior to this occasion, Mindy could barely force two words out of Danny on the subway. Now, here he was, urging her to open whatever was gift-wrapped right then and there.

"Open it now?"

"Sure, might as well."

Mindy hoisted her purse onto her shoulder. Her fingers felt cold and stiff as she maneuvered the expensive purple wrapping paper off whatever Danny had concealed. The words on the package's contents thickened the lump in Mindy's throat. It was so simple: American Red Cross First Aid Kit, the letters read. A wave of wondering whether or not this was offensive to the Haitian people ran across Mindy's mind as a means to distract her from the tears that were glazing her eyes.

Danny didn't say anything, really. As Mindy understood the situation to unfold, she was the one to bend first, her hands immediately going up to her eyes to wipe away the stream that she had not expected. She was _crying. _It didn't even feel like she was crying. Her tears had seemed sudden; she couldn't believe the tiny white box brought such strong emotions.

Mindy held the half unwrapped first aid kit, tucking it under her armpit to wipe her eyes. Danny reached out to touch her arm as a means of consoling. It was extremely light; he barely held on. His gift was so simple. Danny likely hadn't mean it to stir up such a reaction from Mindy, but how could she help it? Danny had given her an American first aid kit. Her easiest rationalization as that he was a doctor and logical, and a first aid kit was the perfect gift in accordance with his personality.

But _a first aid kit_. Standing there in front of the restaurant for the five minutes that they did until Mindy composed herself, Mindy felt so clear in her decision. She didn't want to leave! Why was she trying to fight it so hard? She liked Danny. His giving her a box full of supplies to keep her from dying was a clear indication for Mindy that Danny liked her, too. If the look on his face when she'd told him that she and Casey were back together was not indicator enough, the look on his face now was.

Mindy had expected this lunch with Danny to be one of avoidance but right then, as she sucked snot back into her nose and believed firmly for those few minutes that she was going to back out of her move to Haiti, Mindy and Danny's affection for one another was completely open. If the meaningful glances was not enough to convince Mindy that yes, though this man was rekindling a relationship with his former wife, there was some sort of unexplored affection that he had for Mindy.

It was shocking, sort of; the total lack of coyness in Danny's tender reaction to her opening his gift. His hand gently on her arm encouraged Mindy to step forward into an embrace. Their hug was brief but firm.

"Okay." Mindy shook her head, trying to rid herself of the tears. "I'm going to go for a walk. That's what people do to clear their heads, right?"

Danny's voice was gravelly when he said "I don't know."

Shit. Mindy folded the pulled-back paper back over her gift and glanced down the street, like she had to assess her path before she could start walking. "Seems appropriately dramatic." She held up Danny's gift. "Thank you for this. This is like, crazy thoughtful, Danny."

Danny shrugged. The look of longing on his face absolutely killed Mindy. "Well, I mean, everyone needs sterile gauze pads."

Mindy nodded. Danny nodded, looking like he was painfully trying to swallow acceptance.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"So, thank you. See ya at the office."

Danny bowed his head like the old fashioned gentleman that he was, stepping out of her way on the sidewalk so that she could take her walk. Taking the first few steps were excruciating; her feet didn't want to move or know where to go. She kept her pace, holding firmly onto her purse and her gift from Danny.

Mindy wondered whether or not he was watching her walk away.

_To be continued _


	4. Decision-making

When a Singular Gesture Ends

What was she going to do about Casey?

Mindy's walk had accumulated one single final question in her: what the hell was she supposed to do about Casey? She felt permanently flushed and panicked, it seemed. There was no amount of Netflix she could watch to clear her mind.

Sitting on the subway with a package of candy necklaces on her way to work the next morning, Mindy racked her brain for the solution to her problem. Did she want to be with Casey? Kind of, yeah. He was incredibly cool. Mindy loved hanging out with him. She loved being his girlfriend. Casey was kind, good-natured, and big-hearted. He was hilarious and their chemistry was pretty spot-on sometimes.

But, as Gwen pointed out on the phone the night before, they were prone to breaking up. Like, a_ lot. _Mindy realized that in the three months that they'd been together, they'd broken up about as many times. Was this something that she felt was a sturdy foundation for a year in an impoverished country? How did Mindy know that in the two weeks before they left (as she had clarified with Casey) they were not going to break up?

Did their kiss in the street secure a future where previous patterns were now destroyed?

Mindy didn't know. She couldn't think of a Tom Hanks movie where this particular crossroads was discussed.

.

Mindy figured that she had three days. Three days as a buffer period where her backing out would no longer be considered "last minute." Anything closer to their departure date, she feared that she'd be viewed as a flake. Or a coward. Mindy didn't like that. If for nothing else than to remain in Casey and by extension God's good books, Mindy believed that her three day decision-making period would be enough notice if she so chose to stay in New York. Mindy's logical side told her that Casey's announcement of this trip, his inviting her, and his marriage proposal were all relatively spontaneous as well. She had room to be wary.

.

The majority of her three days was spent at work. Her unique blend of disappointment and desire to try to take decision-making cues from the universe made for a hyper-analytical few days. Ultimately, though, Mindy was left with nothing. All she really noticed was how much she loved being an obstetrician and gynecologist. She loved her patients. God, that Ms. Rand? She was an absolute warrior of a single parent; totally a favorite patient. But otherwise, there was no clear writing in the stars or message in her alphabet soup. Mindy had actually prepared a can of alphabet soup on her third day, lest the universe was just looking for _A Goofy Movie _style outlet to reveal her fate.

So, as Mindy sat in her office on the last of her three day waiting period, she clung to the hope that, in the same vein as her reunion kiss with Casey, there would be one single moment where she could solidly make up her mind.

There was nothing particularly striking about that Wednesday evening. Mindy was in her office past hours, periodically checking her phone to see if there was a missed call from her patient due to go into labour anytime. She had long since uncorked a bottle of cheap merlot in her office, feeling very Don Draper and moody. What gave, universe? Couldn't a lady get some guidance on whether or not to move to a third world country?

Jeez.

Just as she was silently wishing that Danny would burst into her office, a knock came from her door. She permitted entrance. And, perhaps as a gesture from the universe, Mindy engaged in an entirely important conversation with Danny.

His pretense for coming into her office was completely ordinary. He had just been wondering whether or not she'd been experiencing issues with the fetal heart rate monitor in one of the exam rooms. That was it. Somehow, Danny was lured further into Mindy's office, eventually taking a chair across from her and discussing the nature of her after-hours office time.

"Paper cup of wine?" Mindy offered, already pouring a hearty glass into a Dixie cup for Danny.

"Uh, sure." Danny took the tiny cup and moved it back and forth between his hands.

Mindy had given Danny the cheap response of saying that she was waiting to see if Mrs. Ensler was going to go into labour tonight. "Why are _you_ still here?" Mindy looked up at him. "Don't you have plans with Christina? Like, reading unused Coppola screenplays or something?"

Danny frowned at this, clearly offended. He then rolled his eyes, adjusting his belt and leaning back in the chair. He stared at her, deciding whether or not to speak. Danny took a long sip of wine before he told Mindy: "Christina moved." Danny met Mindy's eyes. "To London."

"_What_? When?"

"Uh, two days ago." Danny shrugged at this, like there was nothing else to elaborate on. Mindy stared at him, open-mouthed, waiting for more. Danny provided little detail. "There was a photography company that had been interested in her for a while and…" His eye contact with Mindy faded. "Things weren't working out here, so you know, she left."

The first, perhaps most insensitive thing to come out of Mindy's mouth was: "Just like that?" The merlot was fueling Mindy's already bad tendency to think about herself. Immediately she had related Christina and Danny to her own circumstance. "I just mean…" Mindy held out in her hand in gesture. "She was just here, about to move in with you, wasn't she? You had the Barnes and Noble letter C for her."

Danny finished the last of his wine. "Yup. Now it's for Castellano, I guess."

Mindy thought about this. They'd just made the decision. Just like that; there it was. Someone decided something and they both had to deal with it, and by the looks of it, Danny wasn't totally broken up about it. He didn't appear to be brooding over a Billy Joel album or bottle of whiskey.

Why couldn't she just make a decision like that? Mindy thought she _had. _She had thought that her going to Casey's was going to be a final decision. She wasn't prepared for the nagging doubt that lingered afterward. So, she asked Danny how he knew.

"What do you mean?" Danny asked, splitting the last portion of the bottle between his cup and Mindy's.

"I just mean, like, how did you know that it was over? Like, not worth salvaging so much so that she was going to move away?"

Danny looked up, obviously fully aware that Mindy was trying to glean insight for her own life from this conversation. Rather than prying into her situation, Danny offered advice: "I guess we just had to trust our hesitancy. Or, I did, at least."

"You mean like, indulge the doubt?" Mindy felt sad hearing this. How had she not noticed that Danny was experiencing a situation so eerily close to hers? Damnit, her self-indulgence was really showing tonight.

"Maybe, yeah." Danny sighed. "Ah, I don't know. I don't know if it was right, but it's what happened and that's that."

They both finished their wine.

"Want something else?" Mindy offered.

"What do you have?"

"Umm," Mindy opened her drawers, hoping to find a bottle of Glenfiddich to really sell her fantasy of Sterling-Cooper to Danny. "I've got root beer schnapps. And maybe a few of those hard lemonade freeze pops from Morgan's adult lemonade stand."

.

Their conversation moved past relationships for the next while. As far as Mindy could remember, this evening, in the darkness of her office on a Wednesday night with her iPhone on the table, likely never going to light up with a call from Mrs. Ensler, was the most comfortable she'd ever been with Danny.

They'd had intimate moments, sure; in the shower of his apartment, discussing Brendan Deslaurier. Their conversation at her own going away party, on his bedroom floor, was proof that they'd come a long way. Once just two co-partners of an OB-GYN practice, Mindy could firmly and drunkenly admit that hey, yeah, Danny Castellano and Mindy Lahiri? Friends.

Good friends.

Danny was cool. They had different interests, different tastes, and sometimes seemed to live in different centuries, but their chemistry was good. Like, really good. Mindy was always drawn to Danny, from the moment that she deemed him a handsome jerk. The truth was, though, was time wore on, Mindy could see that Danny _wasn't _a jerk. In fact, Danny could be incredibly kind-hearted. He had a different way of doing things, and that way was often counter to Mindy. It had taken her a long time to see that Danny's intentions were unfailingly good and honest.

That was him, as far as Mindy could tell: good and honest. He could be an arrogant asshole to Mindy and anyone else, though Mindy believed this to be on the rare negative side of his personality. Was this a rationalization for bad behaviour? Maybe so, but Mindy figured that she had her own fair share of undesirable personality traits. Beyond leaving her straightening iron plugged-in all morning and her refusal to give up aerosol hairspray, Mindy knew that she could, too, could be self-involved and melodramatic.

Something fell into place in this conversation, Mindy realized. She had no clear indication or firm confirmation, but if she was going to trust the clichés of her generation: _you just know._ Mindy _didn't _know for sure, and while she was liable to change her mind at the next breeze, she once again fell into the solid belief that she, Mindy Lahiri, liked Danny.

Something about their relationship made her not want to go to Haiti with Casey.

.

"Danny," Mindy interrupted their mutual listing of Morgan Freeman movies where he did _not _do a voiceover. "How did you tell Christina?"

The mention of the word Christina and the deviation from Morgan Freeman caused Danny's loose, relaxed demeanor to tense up. "Tell her what?"

"Agh." Mindy rested her head on her desk. "How do people tell other people that what they're feeling inside is just a bunch of craziness?" Mindy lifted her head and pointed to her owl-printed blouse. She had meant to point to her stomach. "I have absolutely no clue what is going on in my life."

Danny listened.

"How am I supposed to move to Haiti like this? I have no idea what's going on. I feel like that mother in _The Poisonwood Bible_, you know? Like putting boxes of instant pudding in her kid's clothes?"

Danny responded with "Never read it" though his firm eye contact with Mindy indicated that he was listening, invested, and formulating advice to give.

"It's in Oprah's Book Club." She sighed. "It was only okay."

"Okay." Danny sat up straighter. "You'd be great in Haiti, okay? Don't worry about the pudding thing or the bug thing, because that's not really what you're worried about." Mindy stared at him. "You're a great doctor." Danny took the cup of schnapps back into his hands. It took a moment for him to continue. "You'll be great. Don't worry so much about Casey. He's great."

"_Great._" Mindy nodded. She felt sad hearing this advice, because Danny was so correct. It would be fine. Her decision about whether or not to go was largely based on her fearing incompetency almost as much as it was in fearing her unstable feelings for Casey.

Their evening of conversation had accumulated to a handful of themes that Mindy took away as she and Danny bid one another farewell and called it a night: that Danny and his ex-wife Christina had chosen not to live a life together, despite their history, but to take a leap in individualism; that Danny thought Casey was nice; and that Mindy expected too much from the universe.

On the subway home, Mindy realized this. She found no negative in having faith in the universe and signs and plotlines that are all very dramatic and exciting, but what was negative was distrusting your own reality. Mindy knew her reality as this: she didn't wholeheartedly want to go to Haiti. That was really that, right? No haircut or post-triplet patient could really change that. Sure, sometimes you have to just say yes, but what was Mindy supposed to say yes to?

Mindy could say yes to her honest belief that her career in New York meant more to her than many people and all material items. She could say yes to the fact that living in Haiti kind of scared her, and in neither a prejudice nor exciting way. It just wasn't something that she wanted to do. Yes, Mindy liked New York. Yes, Mindy liked having her hair long. Yes, Mindy liked the apartment she lived in and the friendships she had made. _Yes _Mindy had fallen privy to a collection of moments that exposed her relationship with Danny Castellano as one that was very, very personal. Friendly at times, and romantic at others. Yes, the calibre of intimacy that Mindy had stumbled into with Danny was so intriguing as to convince her to dismantle the missionary future she had with her current boyfriend.

.

Mindy reached her apartment far too late and immediately disrobed, crawling into bed. Casey had left her a voicemail updating her on his day. In his message, he left her a selection of numbers to call to update her vaccinations and to find all-terrain boots.

Was this what this really entailed?

When Mindy had run to Casey's the night of their reunion, she really had not thought it through. All-terrain boots? God.

If the concoction of root beer schnapps and merlot had not been enough to convince Mindy that s_he needed out_, the solemn reminder on her cell phone voicemail was.

Her three-day grace period was over, and Mindy had to break up with Casey.

.

It wasn't as simple as she had thought. Mindy awoke the next morning in a thick fog of hangover, slightly nauseous, puffy-eyed, and dehydrated. She had no idea how Don Draper looked so lively every morning after a bender, though his carousel of secretaries continually seemed to tell him that he looked rough.

Regardless, Mindy dressed and readied herself for work, feeling antsy and self-conscious to see Danny again. It was turning out to be such a crush, her feelings for Danny. It was affecting the way that she prepared herself for work. For the entirety of her relationship with Danny, Mindy had been so _comfortable. _She had been so eager to be a completely regular person around him that the idea that their relationship could develop to the flirtatious realm was nerve-wracking.

Certainly Mindy had always been attracted to Danny, physically. He hadn't earned the nickname _handsome jerk _on no merit. But now, as Mindy was beginning to accept actual, concrete _feelings _for Danny within herself, she was overwhelmed with swoony jitters.

Swoony may be slightly heavy-handed, but Mindy was thoughtful. Suddenly, the abstract pattern on her blouse weighed into her decision of how Danny would view her. She hated that she felt that way, but she did. Mindy tried to fill her mind with inspirational quotes from her Tumblr dashboard, but still, as she ascended in the elevator to Shulman and Associates, she still felt strange and hyper-aware.

Today was the day that Mindy figured was in time's best interest to break up with Casey. Waiting too long would seem like she was chickening out; she needed exit soon enough so as to have her decision appear thought-out.

It _was _thought out. It was fleshed out that in vague logic that Mindy questioned herself. It was the opposite of what Danny had told her he'd done. Mindy should have made a decision and just gone with it.

Well she had, hadn't she? Going back to Casey that night was an impulsive decision and in the aftermath she had learned to regret it. What was different now? What was so different now, a few days later, that Mindy wanted to reverse her decision?

Nothing that she could lay a finger on. There was no solid plot twist that Mindy could cling to, as in a movie. No solid series of events that all pointed toward the once-inevitable reunion of Mindy and Casey and now to their demise.

It was far more complicated than that, Mindy realized. Perhaps this was more in tune with one of those really quietly acclaimed Sundance Film Festival movies, Mindy figured as she waited for the elevator doors to pull apart and encourage her to begin her workday. Yeah, that seemed like it could be true. What if this situation was a more of a meditation on human conditions, like evaluating monogamy or the institution of marriage, rather than a big Katherine Heigl blockbuster.

Mindy tried to identify with the waif-like female actresses that populated indie movies. What Would Elizabeth Olsen Do, she wondered.

.

Finding a break in her busy day, Mindy ran out to sit outside of a gourmet donut shop, a box of crispy churros sitting on her lap. She'd called Casey on her way, asking him to meet her. She was nervous but felt vaguely unaware. Mindy tried with all of her might to understand whether or not this was the right decision.

Casey's arrival in jeans, a t-shirt, and a plastic bag from Duane Reade barely ruffled Mindy. Her introduction to her ultimate conversational topic, their breaking up, just sort of _happened. _It was hard to believe. Casey had excitedly showed her his supply of basic painkillers and intestinal health aids that he'd bought at the pharmacy; Mindy, with a mouth covered in confectioner's sugar, explained to her boyfriend that, for a reason so intangible that describing it was nearly impossible, Mindy couldn't go to him with Haiti.

And that was sort of that. It was a continual surprise to Mindy the way actions had an effect. Her behaviour mattered in situations and her decisions changed her circumstances. For some reason, that was hard to grasp. It wasn't just the choices other people made that affected her; rather, it was Mindy acting the guide for her own life.

Her gesture right now was to break up with Casey. The gesture ended in an amicable way, with Casey expressing more relief than Mindy expected. So he was doubting it, too? Jeez, couldn't he have let that on?

Mindy watched Casey walk away from the bakery, no longer her boyfriend or her future. _Just like that._ In her stunned musings over the power of her own action, Mindy caught a cab back to the office.

She trusted her decision.

To be continued…


	5. Gratitude

**[All of your reviews were so nice. Thanks for writing them!]**

The office was the last of Mindy's immediate circle to find out about her decision not to go to Haiti. Mindy stayed at Gwen's for a day and a half after her would-be flight with Casey, stewing in a messy mix of relief and confusion. Mindy played a lot of Uno with Riley, both to fill up the long school-free days of a child and to distract herself.

After Gwen's, it was back to work. What else was there to do, really? Such a large part of the reason that Mindy had chosen to stay _was_ her career, so why not button up a new floral blouse and head back to the office?

Mindy did just that. Her sleep the night before going back to work was one filled with absolutely wonky dreams: quick, seconds-long images of her office being torched, her patients flocking around Danny and Jeremy, and one final quick snapshot of another surprise return of Christina, this time with a British accent.

A lack of sleep really bothered Mindy. It messed with her skin and guaranteed bags under her eyes, two small attacks on her desired vanity for her big return back to work. Sue her for wanting to look radiant as she paraded back into the office.

"Hey guys, I'm back!" She imagined herself saying.

The reality of the situation was that Mindy was actually slightly terrified, her confidence dashed and her self-image tampered with from Casey's parting words of doubt. He hadn't been mean, by any stretch, but in their breaking up, he'd expressively told her that he had never really been sure if a year in Haiti was something that Mindy could do. Perhaps slightly self-righteous of him to say, Mindy had, at the time of their break-up, ignored that line of Casey's. She had chalked it up to the understandable defensiveness that comes with being broken up with outside of a bakery.

But now, going back to work, Mindy's faith in herself was slightly dashed. Gwen's blatant relief that Mindy wasn't "throwing her life away" with Casey in Haiti compounded her nerves. Gwen's relief was good-natured as well, but throwing her life away? Like Mindy would be an absolute mess in Haiti with her pixie cut and relative lack of survival skills?

.

Mouths gaped open with Mindy's entrance back into the office. All she could really think to offer up was a timid, drawn-out "Hey" at her co-worker's surprised expressions. Above the various cries of "Dr.L!" and "What are you doing here!", Mindy searched out Danny. He was leaning against the doorframe of his office, arms crossed over his chest.

Their eye contact was brief, but before Morgan could run up to Mindy for a hearty hug and promise that they'll "do" lunch that day, Mindy_ swore _there was some kind of glint in Danny's eyes. If ever people truly had glints in their eyes and that phrase wasn't merely a literary phrase, this was the time.

.

Mindy didn't get another chance to speak to Danny until that evening, when Morgan invited Mindy to her likely impromptu Glad You're Still Here party. Really, all it was a few boxes of wine, an amazing cheese tray, and a couple dozen of Betsy's amazing cookies that she left work an hour early to prepare. It was at Danny's apartment, too, presumably because his place was the most crowd-friendly.

She showed up in jeans and her shirt with the cover of _The Graduate _on the front, elated so see reruns of _The Chappelle Show _on Danny's television and Morgan pouring the shiraz into a punch bowl. Mindy loved sangria and Chappelle, no matter _how _self –conscious she felt at a party that was hesitantly celebrating her unexplained presence in New York.

Still, it was cool. Danny's apartment was full of things that Mindy liked – both purchased for this party specifically, and items and touches that were just regularly a part of Danny's home. Mindy immediately noticed that the black and white nudes that Christina had taken were off his walls. Mindy wondered if the C and D in his bedroom were still hanging, maybe in reverse order?

What was nice about the evening was the small size: no need to mingle, really. Everyone sat in Danny's living room, enjoying a far more casual environment than any of their previous office parties. Eventually, the subject of what exactly Mindy was doing back in New York came. It was inevitable, and Mindy was glad that everyone waited until the bowl of sangria was nearly gone to bring it up.

Immediately after Beverly asked: "So what gives, Doc? How come you're back?" Betsy promised Mindy that she didn't have to talk about it, if it was going to be painful.

This was, perhaps, the first time that Mindy realized she actually _was _in pain. Well, maybe not pain. But her relationship with Casey had really shook her sense of self. Their break-up seemed so amicable, but the knowledge that both were so filled with doubt in one another and their future still bothered Mindy. That, and she still missed Casey. The wounds were pretty fresh all around.

All of this, and the four generous glasses of sangria, caused that horrible stinging in Mindy's eyes and she knew that tears were on their way. She offered the most clichéd line to her concerned friends and coworkers: "It just wasn't right."

Their understanding nods were kind, but Mindy knew that they all wanted to know more. So, she offered it to them, hoping her tears wouldn't catch up with her before she could explain. "I mean, could you guys really see me in Haiti?" Mindy sighed. "I couldn't see it. And it turns out, neither could Casey. So I, I mean, it wouldn't have worked out anyway, even if I'd gone." Mindy could feel the tears collect in her eyes, her sadness sinking in. "So, Tamra, you were right: I didn't last a single day in Haiti." Mindy stood up quickly, excusing herself to the washroom as nonchalantly as she could in that situation.

.

Mindy sat in Danny's bathroom for five minutes until a knock sounded on the door. She'd forgotten to lock the door, allowing Danny full access to let himself into his own bathroom. Mindy sat on the closed toilet, reading the back of Danny's hand soap bottle, trying to distract herself.

"You okay?" Danny asked, closing the door behind him.

Mindy realized that she spent a lot of time in Danny Castellano's bathroom.

She nodded, setting the soap back onto the counter top. "I'm good. Sorry, just leaving like that was slightly theatrical."

"You've definitely done worse."

Mindy nodded at this, unable to help her mouth from crumpling downward and her eyes squeezing shut. It felt like she'd cried in front of Danny more frequently than she would like in the last few days.

"It just sucks, you know?" Mindy sucked in a raggedy breath. "My own boyfriend didn't have faith that I could make it in Haiti." Mindy gathered her breathing, inhaling slowly until the tears stopped. Really, all she felt was embarrassment in her own personality and goals. "It's just like, reality check. I'm think I'm all altruistic because I just started sorting glass and cardboard at home, but really…" Mindy shrugged, avoiding Danny's eyes, "I'm _such _a city doctor that can't afford a year of her life to Haiti. And that sucks, Danny. Realizing that – and knowing that your boyfriend thought it, too – really sucks."

"The guy's a dick for saying that to you."

"Danny." Mindy gasped, looking up at him finally. "Catholics can't say that about God's servants."

Danny nodded at this, smiling, rubbing his arm uncomfortably. There were a few more seconds of discomfort, both rooted in Danny and Mindy's proximity to one another and their conversation. Mindy told Danny that she was just embarrassed and Danny's reaction was one that altered the course of their relationship. For now, the immediate effects of Danny responding to Mindy were this:

In response to Mindy's embarrassment, Danny told her "Don't be." And then, with such kindness, Danny said: "You're a wonderful person."

Danny talked _so_ much about being a man. He always doubted himself and ranked himself as so inadequate, but maybe this was where he really devalued himself: Danny was incredibly sincere in his stating that Mindy was wonderful person.

The use of the word wonderful really stuck to Mindy. Perhaps it was her conditioning from romantic comedies, but _wonderful _indicated more feeling than a casual "great". Right?

Danny's voice hitched almost unnoticeably when he told her that she was wonderful. Mindy considered this. Was his voice change really that unnoticeable? Was the darkening of his eyes, his shift in body language to a softer, more vulnerable demeanor completely subtle? Or, as Mindy continued to understand herself to have feelings for Danny, was it something more obvious? Mindy wanted so badly to follow her own instincts that were telling her that her and Danny's behaviour was the behaviour of two adults that liked one another.

Why couldn't Mindy just go for it? Sitting there at the party that was celebrating Mindy and all of the most self-doubted aspects of her personality, Mindy came to understand that both she and Danny would continue in their pool of inaction and nerves if one of them didn't push their shell of subtly.

But what was she supposed to do right then? All Mindy could do, really, was look up at Danny with what she hoped were still chicly watery eyes and offer the most heartfelt thank you she could.

That was _so much _the thing: Mindy was so, so grateful for Danny. In all of her indecision that followed the evening that she cut her hair to prove herself to Casey, Mindy had come to realize that the extent to which she appreciated Danny was so much _more _than she had really known.

Her feelings for Danny through the messiness of figuring out Casey really became clear that evening. What stood out in Mindy's relationship with Danny was that it was founded on _more _than one last-ditch haircut to prove herself; it was a series of constant scenarios where continually, though gradually, both Mindy and Danny consistently cared for one another.

This relationship, Mindy realized, mattered so much more than that romantic gesture that seemed to solidify all of her favorite movies. Her relationship with Danny was so subtle that it was easy to ignore, but Mindy knew that to ignore it was to serve herself _such _an injustice; if she were watching the romantic comedy of her life, she'd scream at the television.

Mindy had feelings for Danny and Danny had feelings for Mindy. That was all, really, that Mindy needed to know that evening. Danny thought that she was wonderful, despite all of the reason-based points that Casey had made against their future together.

Danny liked her because of the accumulation of their time together and Mindy could really, really get on board with that.

.

Mindy followed Danny out of his bathroom that evening, her eyes wiped clean of tears, ready to pour her fifth generous cup of sangria and celebrate her decision to _stay. _

_Fin. _


End file.
